Mistakes

Do you ever have that day when your so bored you literally just nap all day? I feel like that's the best, honestly.

Napping is a thing pre-schoolers take for granted. NAP PRE-SCHOOLERS! You'll never be able to nap without looking lazy again!

I was scrolling through Tumblr today (ha smart idea) and this quote came up 'You are not the mistakes you made.'. And, it really spoke to me.

Everyone makes mistakes, no matter how small they are, they are mistakes, and they don't define who you are. Yes, you live through your lie remembering your mistakes and believing that those mistakes make up you you are. And that's is so far from the truth. Mistakes happen, that's why they are called mistakes.

These accidents don't define you. You are still who you are. Those mistakes just happened, and they don't change you. Well, maybe some do change you, make you stronger. But that's about it. You get stronger. But that doesn't change your personality.

You know what they say, bad things happen to good people. We don't define a nice person as bad because of the accidents that they went through. We define them as strong because they concured those mistakes.

People don't remember you as your past life, you mistakes. People remember you for your smile, your personality.

Besties

Today was a less boring day. I hung with my best friend.

I've never had a best friend before. I've never had someone that I connected with so quickly and so well. I've only ever had friends, and I knew they weren't forever and they also never understood who I really was. There weren't any inside jokes, any silent but knowing glances.

But with this one, there is. I've found my one, my best friend for life.

I guess that's one thing I should be happy about. Even though I got thrown so much shit, she came out of it. I have someone I can rely on. I love her to death. She's my sister.

I was going through a lot when I met here, and I still went through more and she was there to help me be stable. And I am going through some shit now... but it's not as bad as the shit before... and that stuff was during the time I met her and everything changed. She made me realize that I can go to her and that's all I needed to be happy, to forget that shitty time.

Sometimes all you need is your best friend. And I'm happy with that.

There is nothing more reassuring than realizing that the world is crazier than you are.

Ouch

Yeah, I know. Two posts in one day, what is this? Me being bored xD

Let's bring you into  my life. 

I think that's a good way to introduce a blog, right?

Well, I am twenty years of age. I dropped out of high school and took a GED. Not because I'm smart... but because when I lived in Poland for four years, they held me back. They believed America had lower standards of education. And sadly, that was true.

When I moved back to The States, they held me back again because the Polish teacher at the high school I was applying to believed that Poland was stupid, which was in fact false. Europe's education, including Poland's is much higher than America's, I should've been pushed ahead, not held back. She wanted me to go back to middle school as a sixteen year old. Good luck with that, teach.

So, me being the smarter one, dropped out instead of dealing with being in high school so long.

I went to college a year earlier than most and ended up in college a year longer than most... I'm still in college after two years of studying. Not because I'm lazy or anything, but because my life.

At one point I had no money for school. Another point I had no time... and now again with the no money. I was supposed to go back this semester to finish my associates sooner, but my school decided to not accept my FAFSA. Thanks America for college! At least in Europe colleges can range from extremely cheap to free. But not in America... this is why we consist of mostly dumbasses.

That's a good phrase, no?

So here I am, hoping that maybe I will be able to go to school. Maybe I'll get lucky, because I feel so stupid not going to school for a year. And I've only actually missed one semester, but it feels like a year.

My life isn't so bad, people have had worse. But as a single person with your life to look at, you don't have anything worse to compare it to because you only know your worst and you believe that that's the worst because you don't know the worst. If that makes sense.

It's like what you experience is what you think is the worst. People may say 'That's not too bad, look at this guys' life!', sure, you will, and you'll be like yeah... that is terrible. But you won't feel how terrible that actually is. And whatever your worst is will be the worst for you forever and no one can convince you otherwise. Everyone goes through their worst. Everyone has their own worst.

And I will always think I have the worst. Why? Because you know how they say, it can't get any worse. It fucking can. And it fucking has. One day I'm like, no, this is the worst... nothing bad will happen after this.

Whoops. Comes tomorrow at that tops what happened the day before and it got worse.

I am not surprised people contemplate suicide at this point. But I would never do it. One, because I'm terrified of death and I'd rather suffer than die. Two, I have hope.

Pandora's Box is a real thing.

All of hell is thrown at you and yet you're okay because you have hope.

I guess what I'm saying here is, shit happens for a reason and if it sucks, it sucks. But push through it and make it good and try better the next time around. Be more prepared. You may not be able to do what you have to do right now, but there's a reason why. Maybe it' because you're a dumbass, or it may be because you have to do something else first.

Like in my case, I may not be able to go to school and I feel SO dumb for that... but it may be because I need to move out.

You need to be happy, and the only way you can do that is by being you and accepting you and accepting your life.

I'm trying that.

I may be new to this

Well, I should start off by saying 'Hi, I'm Nicolle. I'm here to put my thoughts on screen and to share my life with you... sorry if I bore you.'

I am a writer, so I might post some stuff on here that are not blogs, I hope they interest you.

My life includes the airport. Not because I'm some cool girl that travels endlessly. No, I am an airline agent (for what airline? This information is disclosed). So be warned, you will see complaints on here about how tired I am or how people can be aggravating. This might be helpful for you as a traveler of how to treat us, agents. Cause, sadly, we are people too.

Right now I am doing what any normal young adult would be doing on their day off, listening to some music and letting my life be viewed by millions on the internet.

Talk to you later :)

I'm gonna go do something else.

PS - I might be doing some YouTube vlogs as well... hopefully that works out.

I'm honestly hoping that with these vlogs/blogs I will reach out to you guys. Every time I watch a YouTuber or read a blog, I feel like I could do that. I really want to do what they do, so I am trying my best to get to that. I also want to help my viewers.

I know how it feels to come home after a shitty day and turning on some Youtuber and feeling better within minutes. I want to be that Youtuber that makes you smile.

So, if you have any questions, life questions, hit me up. I can help. Somehow I can be intelligent in these things.

Peace; Niki.