Let's bring you into my life.
I think that's a good way to introduce a blog, right?
Well, I am twenty years of age. I dropped out of high school and took a GED. Not because I'm smart... but because when I lived in Poland for four years, they held me back. They believed America had lower standards of education. And sadly, that was true.
When I moved back to The States, they held me back again because the Polish teacher at the high school I was applying to believed that Poland was stupid, which was in fact false. Europe's education, including Poland's is much higher than America's, I should've been pushed ahead, not held back. She wanted me to go back to middle school as a sixteen year old. Good luck with that, teach.
So, me being the smarter one, dropped out instead of dealing with being in high school so long.
I went to college a year earlier than most and ended up in college a year longer than most... I'm still in college after two years of studying. Not because I'm lazy or anything, but because my life.
At one point I had no money for school. Another point I had no time... and now again with the no money. I was supposed to go back this semester to finish my associates sooner, but my school decided to not accept my FAFSA. Thanks America for college! At least in Europe colleges can range from extremely cheap to free. But not in America... this is why we consist of mostly dumbasses.
That's a good phrase, no?
So here I am, hoping that maybe I will be able to go to school. Maybe I'll get lucky, because I feel so stupid not going to school for a year. And I've only actually missed one semester, but it feels like a year.
My life isn't so bad, people have had worse. But as a single person with your life to look at, you don't have anything worse to compare it to because you only know your worst and you believe that that's the worst because you don't know the worst. If that makes sense.
It's like what you experience is what you think is the worst. People may say 'That's not too bad, look at this guys' life!', sure, you will, and you'll be like yeah... that is terrible. But you won't feel how terrible that actually is. And whatever your worst is will be the worst for you forever and no one can convince you otherwise. Everyone goes through their worst. Everyone has their own worst.
And I will always think I have the worst. Why? Because you know how they say, it can't get any worse. It fucking can. And it fucking has. One day I'm like, no, this is the worst... nothing bad will happen after this.
Whoops. Comes tomorrow at that tops what happened the day before and it got worse.
I am not surprised people contemplate suicide at this point. But I would never do it. One, because I'm terrified of death and I'd rather suffer than die. Two, I have hope.
Pandora's Box is a real thing.
All of hell is thrown at you and yet you're okay because you have hope.
I guess what I'm saying here is, shit happens for a reason and if it sucks, it sucks. But push through it and make it good and try better the next time around. Be more prepared. You may not be able to do what you have to do right now, but there's a reason why. Maybe it' because you're a dumbass, or it may be because you have to do something else first.
Like in my case, I may not be able to go to school and I feel SO dumb for that... but it may be because I need to move out.
You need to be happy, and the only way you can do that is by being you and accepting you and accepting your life.
I'm trying that.
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